i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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