so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
