We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
