oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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