Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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