Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
