id be glad to
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
