So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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