This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
