Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
