why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
