Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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