he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
