Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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