well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
