How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
