I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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