so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
