When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
