Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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