walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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