He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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