But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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