Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
