I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
