My liver just broke up with me...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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