chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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