Porn is love you can see.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
