also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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