i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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