THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
