if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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