you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
