Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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