You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
