naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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