Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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