when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
