also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
