You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
