do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
