Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
