I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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