fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
