just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
