i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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