I just saw a hot homeless man
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
