I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
