just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
