She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just pee around me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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