im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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