I just pynch a tree in the face
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
