What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
