What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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