im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
