Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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