North Korea, Best Korea!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
