dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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