Michael Bay diarrhea
this boner is exhausting
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
